Listen Children...People Might Want to Tell You

As a minister, past social worker and professional counselor with twenty years of over 12,000 logged hours, I spent a lot of passionate time learning about how to help people. To this day I enjoy doing my part to help others, for it is my life’s call. When I hear other people, some wearing the title “expert,” talk about what others need, and want and how bad things are for hurting people, because of various reasons that the expert has researched and reported, in order for solutions, strategies and plans to be developed and executed to help make the pain of others better, I often wonder? Do they really have a clue? Sometimes I want a barf bag, because this guy, who thinks he knows so much, doesn’t really know people. He’s an administrator that couldn’t snip the end of a bag of bird seed off and fill up the feeder if he didn’t have an instruction guide. “Don’t be harsh now,” some would say. It is the thought and intentions that count.

We make these assumptions observing body language, reading between the lines, noting one’s demeanor, tone of voice, hygiene, words and habits that, “Oh…I know just what to say” or, “I know just how they feel,” or “I know just what they need,” without the heart ever truly asking: “How are you?” “Is everything alright?” Or, “How can I help you?” Even then…sometimes hurting people don’t know where to begin; they don’t believe you’ll be there for them because they’ve been down that road before and people they should have been able to count on let them down or, they wonder…”Why should I trust you?” And maybe a dozen or so more questions might be on their heart too like, “What gives you the right to walk into my world assuming that you’ve got what it takes…that you’ve got solutions….you don’t walk in my shoes, so who do you think you are?” Obviously… the anger that has come to the surface is speaking. Reason is not. But then….when did pain ever “feel” reasonable? That question I’d like to have the answer to.

Sometimes the best way to help is to just be still, wait and be patient. Once the hurting one knows you’re there, then…just “be there.” Being present comes long after awareness, availability and accessibility. A response cannot occur that will touch the life of another person until you’ve proven by what you do, not by what you say that you “understand.” Acceptance and understanding are just baby steps in the helping process, no matter what our particular career field or station in life. Will you be there for me through thick and thin? Will you be there when I mess up really bad? Will you be there when I do something really stupid? Will you be there when I have nowhere to turn? Will you be there when I’ve lost it all? Will you be there when I’m at the end of my rope and have no clue as to what's the right thing to do? That’s the kind of person I want in my corner. Most of us never do, even amongst our family, friends, co-workers, circles we travel in, professionals and those in the fields of helping others, including ministers.

If you’re going to call yourself a helping person, a religious person, a Christian person, a person of faith, a caring person, a giving person, an unselfish person....you’ve got to start with the basics. If you can’t do that....then just walk away and put your 75% off, humanitarian aid card back in your pocket. Use it with someone who doesn’t know the difference between cheap and genuine. But…even street-wise people know what it means to be human, even if they’re not treated that way by the masses, or they treat others that way.

What am I trying to say here? True caring takes time, effort, and commitment. Desire, motivation and willingness to pay the sacrificial price is what loving your neighbor as thyself really means. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care, I hear often and always know just how true it really is. In the story of the Good Samaritan in the Bible, the Good Samaritan went “out of his way” to do the right thing, at the right time, for the right purpose at his own expense. I almost never see that today. Never! Everyone wants to know “What’s in it for me?” or, “What’s it going to cost me?” when it comes to even helping someone with a coat, a toy, a meal or a new pair of shoes. Helping someone is not written into a personal planner with an indication that on a certain day of the week it will be “convenient.” Helping someone is a natural imperative of the heart, that calls for compelling action NOW....not later. Thank God, we don’t have to fill out an application or have a background check with Heaven, before God will redeem man and liberate him to be fully human and fully alive.

So… next time you want to help someone, take a moment and think about it. Is this where your heart is truly at? Is this what God is directing you to do? Is this what you want to do to feel good about you? What's your real motive?

Or, is this the right thing that must be done and you’ve just gotten the 911 call from God? The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord and He’ll supply all of your needs. Just step up to the plate and be humble, submissive and obedient, accepting the sufficiency of God’s grace, walking by faith which only works by love. Just do it! It doesn't take an expert to care...you just have to be willing!


David Hammock. Copyright© 2009. All Rights Reserved.

Does God Change His Mind?

Answer: Malachi 3:6 declares, “I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.” Similarly, James 1:17 tells us, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” The meaning of Numbers 23:19 could not be more clear, “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?” No, God does not change His mind. These verses assert that God is unchanging, and unchangeable.

However, this appears to contradict what is taught in other verses, such as Genesis 6:6, “The LORD was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain.” Also, Jonah 3:10 which says, “When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, He had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction He had threatened.” Similarly, Exodus 32:14 proclaims, “Then the LORD relented and did not bring on His people the disaster He had threatened.” These verses speak of the Lord “repenting” of something, and seem to be contrary to verses that teach that God is unchanging. However, close examination of these passages reveals that these are not truly indications that God is capable of changing. In the original language, the word that is translated as “repent,” or “relent,” is the Hebrew expression of “to be sorry for.” Being sorry for something does not mean that a change has occurred; it simply means that there is regret for something that has taken place.

Consider in Genesis 6:6 that “…The LORD was grieved that He had made man on the earth.” This verse even goes on to say “…His heart was filled with pain.” This verse declares that God had regret for creating man. However, obviously He did not reverse His decision. Instead, through Noah, He allowed man to continue to exist. The fact that we are alive today is living proof that God did not change His mind about creating man. Also, the context of this passage is a description of the sinful state man was living in, and it is man’s sinfulness that triggered God’s sorrow, not man’s existence. Consider what Jonah 3:10 says: “…He had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction He had threatened.” Again, the same Hebrew word is used here, which expresses “to be sorry for.” Why was God “sorry” for what He had planned for the Ninevites? Because they had a change in heart, and as a result, changed their ways from disobedience to obedience. God is entirely consistent. God was going to judge Nineveh because of its evil. However, Nineveh repented and changed its ways. As a result, God had mercy on Nineveh, which is entirely consistent with His character.

Romans 3:23 teaches us that all men sin, and fall short of God’s standard. Romans 6:23 states that the consequence for this is death (spiritual and physical). So, the people of Nineveh were deserving of punishment. All of us face this same situation, as it is man’s choice to sin that separates us all from God. Man cannot hold God responsible for his own predicament. So it would be contrary to the character of God to not punish the Ninevites had they continued in sin. However, the people of Nineveh turned to obedience, and for that the Lord chose not to punish them as He had originally intended. Did the change on the part of the Ninevites obligate God to do what he did? Absolutely not! God cannot be placed in a position of obligation to man. God is good and righteous, and chose not to punish the Ninevites as a result of their change of heart. If anything, what this passage does is point to the fact that God does not change, because had the Lord not preserved the Ninevites, this would be contrary to the character of God.

The Scriptures that describe God apparently “changing His mind” are human attempts to explain the actions of God. God was going to do something, but instead did something else. To us, that sounds like a change. But to God, who is omniscient and sovereign, it is not a change. God always knew what He was going to do. God also knew what He needed to do to cause humanity to do what He wanted them to do. God threatened Nineveh with destruction, knowing that it would cause Nineveh to repent. God threatened Israel with destruction, knowing that Moses would intercede. God does not regret His decisions, but is saddened by some of what humanity does in response to His decisions. God does not change His mind, but rather acts consistently to His Word in response to our actions.


Does God Keep His Word?

Does God keep His promises and commitments even when humans fail to abide by theirs? God's character and values never change. Therefore He could never have abandoned His promises to ancient Israel. Through the mouth of one of His prophets He exclaimed to Israel: "For I am the LORD, I do not change; therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob. Yet from the days of your fathers you have gone away from My ordinances and have not kept them. Return to Me, and I will return to you..." (Malachi 3:6-7).

Through the prophet Jeremiah, God promised that Israel as a nation would continue to exist as long as the sun, moon and stars continued to shine (Jeremiah 31:35-36). He promises to protect and guide the destiny of all the descendants of ancient Israel until they-including those known as Jews and those among the lost 10 tribes-are restored as one nation at Christ's return.

God has made wonderful promises-some to individuals, some to nations and some to all of mankind. If He ever abandoned any promise and commitment to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and their descendants, the Israelites, how could we ever believe He would keep His promises to us?

Our faith rests on the premise that God means what He says. It is because He is faithful to all of His commitments that we have a solid basis for trusting Him to keep His promises

We see, then, that God's promises to ancient Israel are vitally important to us personally. The truthfulness of the Bible itself would collapse if God failed to fulfill His commitments to those exiled people. This is another reason for studying this subject. Either these so-called lost tribes still exist or God was not faithful to His promises.

Is it Really Humility?

Most of us have bit of a problem with the word “humility.” We have ideas about humility that are distorted, lack precision, ones that we have misconceptions and uncertainties about, or maybe we just don’t even like the word, period. I remember from childhood someone in my life that frequently referred to people as humble. “She’s so humble,” or “He’s so humble,” the person would say of the one spoken of.

I really had a problem with this because I knew the person doing the talking well enough to know that they were mischievous, manipulative, controlling….and I never was comfortable with their motives. The person referring to the “humble” seemed to be one who took advantage of those that were being admired and I thought the talker was referring to people they could “get over” on. I just knew there was something wrong with this picture, even when I knew there was something right about humility. Remember now…I was just little boy.

Some see humility as unconditional, unquestionable compliance with whatever is asked or expected of them. It’s as though the person doesn’t have a voice or feelings about what is expected and they are merely nice little robots that function and perform precisely. Even when the so called “humble” one gives of themselves, too often their mistakes are pointed out more vividly than their efforts, spirits and motives being right and very “moving” to the point that others are helped. Perfectionists like the humble because they like to provoke false guilt and shame so they get what they want, regardless of how they treat the “humble” since the provoker has to be right and not fall off their power ladder. What would people think of them then? True humility doesn’t have to be unwise nor does one have to a victim.

Being humble isn’t being a doormat for people to get away with murder by “using” you. We all know about users and givers. I’m 54 years old and have seen a lot of both across the world. Being humble doesn’t mean we “hang our head lower” than the next man as though we’re helpless, poor, can’t speak for ourselves or that we are powerless. The power authorities and abusers of this world would like you to be a wimp, but most of all they would like you to think, feel and believe you’re a wimp. Wimps have low self-esteem, are uncertain about their identity and their value as a person is distorted by ideas someone else planted in their heads or by the way a power/authority figure treated them.

We view public figures that are soft soften or smooth talking and say the “politically correct” things as humble, even when their widely publicized actions seem “for the people,” while down the line, a big payoff is coming and their methods are as shrewd as they come and downright evil. We remark how humble someone is in Hollywood when they win an “Oscar” and shed a few tears and give credit where credit is due and they speak very little about themselves, even when they slept their way to the top to get there. When persons of wealth and good fortune give money to feed the poor, help the homeless or contribute to a worthy cause we remark about how much of a true humanitarian they are and how generous they are, when many times it is for a tax break and it’s just really good public relations and further expansion of their own financial kingdom.

First of all, humility doesn’t mean others are better than you and you are “less than” others. God is no respecter of persons. We are all made in the image of God. Whether we choose to accept that image and allow it to be a gift to ourselves and others remains a matter of free will.

Secondly, true humility isn’t an oppressive burden that one must bear. Humility is a gift from God to share with others. It frees one from pride and arrogance. True humility speaks for itself, because a person is confident in God’s strength to give it and confident in their God given identity, no matter what the outcome, and their value as a person isn’t diminished whether their humility is accepted or rejected. Some people reject another’s humility, because it becomes a vehicle of conviction, where they lack character themselves and it reminds them of how they fail others at times. Remember now…humility is a GIFT!


Thirdly, humility is really about the heart. I’ve always found that truly humble people seek to have clean hearts, pure hearts, and honest hearts, caring and giving hearts and they have a heart for God and others. They seem to have certain “glow” about them that others don’t. Humble people seem to have a heart that’s always moving in the right direction no matter what the circumstances or outcome of their situations. Quite simply…humble people want to do the “right” thing for the “right” reason. That’s the true reward.

Fourthly, humility is power. Most of the world sees humility as a sign of weakness. “Never let ‘em see you sweat. Don’t let them know you’re hurting. Never shed a tear in public. Suck it up. Don’t play the ace until you have to. Don’t talk about it in public. Don’t them this and don’t tell them that. No one needs to know. If they see how you really feel, you’ll be taken advantage of. Play it cool.” All of these statements and many others I’ve heard through the years are fear based, not faith based or power based. Sadly though, the world continues to play the game of greed, arrogance, power, control, manipulation, exploitation, seduction, perversion and conning with nothing more than a motivation of selfishness. True humility is the power to be unselfish because it’s right….not because it makes one feel better.

I Peter 5:5 states that we should “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Imagine that! All of your value, all of your power and all of your hope are yours because of humility. But, the humility is based on God’s definition, not ours.

Being comfortable in your own skin is about certainty of your true identity which is found in Christ. When you like you and love you, it is possible to love your neighbor as yourself, because you have chosen to love you based on what God thinks and says about you, not what you or others think, feel and believe about you. Philippians 2:3 states “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” That does not mean that you judge others or judge yourselves. It’s really about caring, sharing, giving, serving, honor and respect with a positive view of yourself as well as others. You are not diminished, nor do you classify yourself as a second-rate citizen or some sort of “untouchable,” “not good enough” kind of person. Those thoughts are merely deception that leads to disappointment, discouragement and even worse states of mind and heart.

Jesus spoke of himself in Matthew 11:29 as being “gentle and humble in heart.” Jesus was not a weak man. He changed the course of human history forever. But remember this: “Who being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on cross. (Philippians 2:5-8)

Finally, some points to remember: 1-Humility, submission and obedience, executed with the faith of God, releases His favor and blessings upon you; 2-Humility is action, not a feeling; 3-Humility can defuse arguments and you don’t have to win every argument; 4-Handling unfair treatment peacefully is possible when humble; you do not have to be overcome by bitterness. The need for vengeance and revenge begins to fade more and more when humility prevails; 5-You don’t have to put on a false identity and fearfully disguise yourself when you are humble; you don’t have to prove a thing; 6-True humility won’t crush you. We can all learn from the constructive criticism of others; 7- Humility liberates you to ask for forgiveness and be reconciled with others. (Matthew 5:23-24); 8- Humility helps you to have the right attitude; 9-Humility doesn’t mean you are a wimp; it demonstrates strength and character; 10-Humility isn’t being unaware of your gifts and talents (Ephesians 3:8); 11-Bible based humility doesn’t mean never speaking directly although we examine our motives, attitudes and actions.


The results from understanding the truth about humility are more successful than taking a fearful, distorted, arrogant approach. When humble, you are likely to have more influence than if you are not. Even if the results aren’t what you think they should be or what they could be, you have done the right thing for the right reason if God is with you. You become victorious even if you don’t win with man, you will always win with God. Your thinking will remain sound; you will not become powerless, your emotions will be able to function and be experienced as God intends and your heart will remain pure. And…when you lay your head down at night you can truly say, “I’m right with God, right with myself and others and it is well with my soul.”

David Hammock. Copyright © 2009. All Rights Reserved.

Becoming One Flesh

Becoming One Flesh - 1 Corinthians 7:3-6

3-Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4-The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5-Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 6-But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

An important consideration in this passage is that Paul is giving advice. He is not making a rule for believers to follow.

In verse 6 he says quite plainly, “But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.” Many people seeking to do God’s will, make a rule out of this passage. Making a rule denies the power of God and will damage the marriage relationship. There are two main points to this passage:

1. Get married to avoid fornication. More in my notes on 1 Corinthians 7:1-2
2. Do not withhold affection (intimacy, love, sex) in marriage, with an exception noted.

In order to understand this passage in its proper context, we first have to understand love. Paul’s famous passage defining love comes just a little further into this letter to the Corinthians in chapter 13.

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing."

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. - 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

To sum up Paul’s definition of love: love has no need but to give. Love is self-sacrifice. There is no ego in love, there is no self-identity in love.
With this understanding, it is easy to see that the wife’s body belongs to the husband, and the husband’s body belongs to the wife. The two are now one,
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. - Genesis 2:24

There can be no pride in love. There is no longer an identity of self. The identity is in the whole, not the part. Imagine the power of two minds working in harmony, with love.

Solomon describes this power of two,
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

So to the first point, one gets married because of a physical need. The physical need is evidence that this individual is not yet a new creature, reborn in Christ. But marriage is a means for constant exhortation, whether explicit or through the subtleties of the relationship. Through this exhortation, the two individuals can become one. Each must be constantly reminded of the meaning of love: to meet the other’s need. And through this process of constant conflict and exhortation, can the two individual wills be conformed to the one will. This cannot happen without love. And only by the resurrection of Christ within each can the joining of the two be complete.

The second point of the passage flows from the first. If there is love, one cannot withhold from the other. Love, remember, serves the need of the other. So if there is love, then affection, intimacy and sex cannot be withheld. It is just not possible. This is not a command, but if these things are withheld, it is evidence that there is no love. Similarly, if affection, intimacy and sex is demanded, it is evidence that there is no love.

So what is this exception Paul speaks of, “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”?
Consider that the purpose of marriage is to have a constant source of exhortation and conflict to reveal love and to tear down the identity of the individual. And also consider what Paul says,

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;) casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; and having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled. - 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

Our calling is to repent of every thought and imagination that comes against Christ. So the exception for withholding affection or sex in verse 5 is for the purpose of taking the time to discover the pride within that still insists on carnal needs, so that we may repent of our flesh, pulling down the stronghold of pride, and be more capable of truly loving our spouse and becoming one mind and one flesh. If the withholding is not accompanied by the process of repentance, than it can only harm, because if repentance isn’t the purpose of the withholding, than holding on to self-identity is, which is pride. There is no love in pride.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 — 1 Corinthians 7:7-9


“Becoming One Flesh - 1 Corinthians 7:3-6”
(Why there may be difficulty)

Some people who have been abused, neglected, controlled, exploited, manipulated, coerced, conned, or disrespected have been given little or no voice or freedom in past relationships, even if they are Christians. Little or no help is truly available in today’s church that really deals with core issues. Many in the church are affected in such ways as well as outside the church.

Some have a difficult time receiving “REAL” love and also have difficulty “GIVING” true love, because those in their past who were in leadership/power/authority positions to give love just didn’t. Or, those who were to be examples of love including family members, pastors, Sunday school teachers, friends and coaches just didn’t come through for them when it was needed most. Consequently… the mystery, questions, pain, confusion and uncertainty of how to love remain until God brings healing, clarification and wholeness. We don’t need more sermons on love; we need pure and consistent demonstrations of unconditional love that meet our needs, which are based in God’s truths about love.

Blocking, freezing and numbing of emotions occurs when real love doesn’t take place in one’s life. Christians seeking help may turn to pastors. They meet and pastors give a few sessions of counseling and then say, “I’ll pray for you.” Most pastors do not look for, nor do they know how to accurately discern the root problems surrounding many issues, nor do they embrace the Biblical model of man being spirit, soul and body. Thus the person hurting continues to stumble through their forest of discouragement, not knowing where to turn. Basic pastoral ministry involves a degree of counseling. To not seek training or resources for hurting people is an injustice to God, truth, the church, the naive, the seeker and to life in general.

As a trained social worker, family therapist with over 12,000 logged hours, ordained minister and Christian of 36 years, there’s not much I haven’t seen. Many who have felt discouraged from past experiences when they sought help and desperately needed hope in the midst of despair and darkness wind up in my office telling me their stories. Some you wouldn’t believe.

In short, Christians need to be truly discipled in how to love. There are many components to love. Most of all, the Father’s love, the Son’s love and the Holy Spirit’s love need to be experienced before anyone can give true love according to I Corinthians 13.

David Hammock. Copyright © 2009. All Rights Reserved.